Dementia care can be frustrating and exhausting, which is why you want to get more out of sundowner distraction techniques.

I have what I call “Three-Fer plus” distraction and redirecting techniques, that can be worked into your loved one’s daily routine. The work like a pick-and-pull auto wrecking yard where you take a little part from this car and another part from that one until everything is working together.

The “Three-Fer” works two ways, it addresses the needs of your loved one by making them feel useful, loved, and needed. And for you the “Three-Fer” pays dividends toward a good behavior day.

This “Three-Fer plus” focusses on:

1. A sundowner redirection technique
2. A distraction technique for changing dirty clothes
3. Daily photo of your loved one
4. Plus a feel good day for you and your loved one

Sundowners is a worsening of behaviors in the evening. You can’t miss sundowners. Your loved one will become agitated, may pace, may cry, may scream, may throw things. Additionally, they may pound on the walls and furniture, or sit in a chair rocking back and forth saying the same thing over and over. It is their way of telling you something is wrong, but they don’t know how to tell you what it is.

Daily Photo for Wandering

On the same note, have you ever been in a situation where you panicked and your mind went blank? For example, if your loved one escaped today, would you remember what she was wearing? Using the photo technique below, you can supply a current photo of your loved one to the authorities. That way you don’t have to remember what she was wearing when you discover she wandered away from home. Or as they say in the caregiving biz, eloped.

Daily photos are important. My father was a consummate escape artist until we figured out and addressed his triggers. You can read my story about some of my dad’s escapes here.

Just because your loved one hasn’t wandered yet, doesn’t means she won’t.

Not to mention, everyone wants to feel useful, even someone with dementia. This technique will require a few things and a willingness to experiment if it doesn’t go well the first time you try.

Furthermore, does your loved one have a favorite outfit that you can’t get off her without a crowbar and a WWE wrestling match? Let’s take a look at this sundowning redirection technique that may parlay into the ability to get your loved one to change out of their dirty clothing so you can wash them. It may also help you take a daily photo of your loved one.

Supplies You Need for this Technique

1. Duplicates of their favorite outfit or something that looks close to it.
2. Supportive notes written by friends and family members you can put into the box and can reuse.
3. A gift box that you can tape shut multiple times.
4. Gift wrap, tape, a bow or ribbon.
5. Your willingness not to correct her if it’s not done “right.”
6. Your willingness to go for an Oscar. Or we can rely on your willingness to play along, laugh, and have some fun.

When your loved one starts sundowning, ask her if she will help you by wrapping a present for “a friend,” because you have to (insert activity here). If she agrees, this will ensure she feels needed and useful.

Now a word about wrapping and dementia. Speaking from experience, tape the box with the present and note inside shut before you ask for her help. If she sees her own clothing in the box, you may trigger a melt down you weren’t expecting.

Expect that the wrap job will be inventive. It may take an entire roll of tape and she may forget to use wrapping paper. Or seven sheets of wrapping paper may go on at odd angles or get wadded and strapped to the box or the ribbon or bow end up in locations formerly thought impossible. Whatever the result, praise her for a job well done. Thank her genuinely.

If she’s happy, you win a good behavior day.

The Power of the Present

Next, put the present somewhere she won’t see it so that she forgets about it when her mind resets overnight.

This is how you can get more out of the sundowner distraction techniques, because that present now parlays into getting your loved one to change her clothing the next morning when she finds the present on her pillow after breakfast.

Everyone loves receiving presents. She will get the joy of reading the note inside the present and she may put on her “new” clothes. Guess what, now the dirty clothing can be laundered and ready for wrapping that evening.

Tell her how marvelous she looks in her “new” outfit. Ask her if you can take a photo of her to send to the “gift giver” so they know she received “their” gift.

This is the part where you get to play. She is now a model, “work it, work it, work it.” Laugh and have some fun. She will feel great and you will get the daily photo while she models the outfit, all while making her feel loved, needed, and useful.

To ensure you get more out of sundowner distraction techniques, the “Three-Fers” act like the instructions for shampoo, “lather, rinse, repeat.” It doesn’t matter how many times they do it so long as they enjoy it. Dementia sufferers have emotion-related memories, they remember things that make them feel good and look forward to it when it becomes part of their routine.

Some Things to Consider

As with all things dementia, results will vary based on your approach and level of exhaustion. And what kind of day she is having and where she is in her dementia. This will change over time. Patience and a willingness to experiment and play until you find what works for you both will go a long way toward a good behavior day.

And the plus, you may have some fun photos to look at together later. Do I hear another distraction technique in the making?

Now it’s your turn to work it, work it, work it, to get more out of sundowner distraction techniques.

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Tracy Cram Perkins is a dementia caregiving survivor and blogger. Her twelve-plus-years of experience caregiving for two parents with dementia provided the nucleus of  Dementia Home Care: How to Prepare Before, During, and After. She experienced the depression, anxiety, and guilt which comes with dementia care. She recognized each person’s journey with dementia follows a different path. This guide grew from the questions presented by family members and friends overwhelmed by caregiving challenges and the frustration of not being able to find caregivers hands-on answers in one book.

Tracy believes that the sound of our laughter and the memories we create with others are the most important things we leave behind. She believes laughter is an important part of the caregiving equation.

According to Tracy, the Surgeon General’s warning for laughter could read, “Warning, laughter produces chemicals known to the State of California to be cathartic and to make you feel better. Other states of mind may follow.”