Please welcome guest blogger Diane Harrison.

Overcoming Caregiver Anxiety and Depression When Your Loved One Has Dementia

Looking after someone who has dementia will likely be one of the hardest things you will ever do. Little compares to the pain of watching your loved one slowly, but surely, wither away and turn into a shadow of their former selves. To make matters worse, as their primary caregiver, you’re also tasked with their wellbeing, all while somehow juggling your personal life and work. It can all be more than a little overwhelming. It’s no wonder caregivers frequently develop anxiety and depression.

Don’t Ignore the Problem

Before you can heal, you must acknowledge there is a problem. It can be hard to do. Depression is a difficult topic, and not well-understood. Family and friends can frequently be dismissive or downplay its gravity. You may not understand it yourself or just ignore it and hope it goes away on its own. But it won’t heal itself. In fact, it often gets worse with time. Overcoming it takes time, work, and healing – and you will need help.

The best, kindest thing you can do for yourself is to acknowledge the fact you have a problem. Countless caregivers are in the same boat as you, as the NCBI can confirm. They find their way out of it and so can you.

Learn About Depression

Knowledge is power – learning about depression makes it less confusing and daunting, and easier to overcome. Depression is not well-understood and the causes haven’t been fully pinpointed by science, but we can make some educated guesses as to its origin.

Genetics and lifestyle are always risk factors, but there is usually a common thread that triggers depression – a traumatic event or series of events. People get depressed when something bad happens to them – say a foundational figure in their life, like a parent, can’t support them anymore, emotionally, or otherwise. Having to care for said figure taxes your already depleted reserves, pushing you to the limit and requiring many sacrifices from you.

The result is often stress, anxiety, rage, disappointment, denial, and helplessness. When there’s no outlet for your emotions and you don’t see how things can change, you end up suppressing or ignoring them. But the anger, powerlessness, and denial don’t just go away – they make you depressed.

Strategies to Counter Depression

Ask for and be open to help

Depression, when it’s severe, is a serious illness. You can’t cure it yourself, not without outside intervention and assistance. It’s a lot like having asthma – it won’t go away by itself, even if you take better care of yourself. The best way to deal with depression is to ask for help, both from mental health professionals as well as friends and family. Then make changes with their assistance. Asking for help also applies to your caregiving – you don’t have to and can’t be expected to do it alone.

Replace what’s lost

 Your depression may have been brought about by many things that were taken from you – say a source of support, free time, money, peace of mind, opportunities for advancement, and maybe your wellbeing. These things need to be replaced. The support can come from other people until you can support yourself.

Get rid of other sources of anxiety or stress like your job

Other sources of stress and anxiety – say a toxic job – can compound your existing problem, making it worse. Take constructive action by getting a different job with better prospects or lifestyle balance. Pursuing higher education can give you the best options. An online program may be a suitable option, as it can allow you to keep your current job and look after your loved one while you learn.

Look after yourself

Self-care and being mindful of your needs are critical to feeling good. Your health, happiness, and needs all matter. Many caregivers have a hard time looking after themselves while they care for their loved ones – but it’s something you need to prioritize. After all, you can’t take care of anyone if you can’t help yourself.

Don’t isolate yourself

Depression makes you feel alone, misunderstood, and pushes you away from other people. It’s the worst possible outcome for you – you need other people to overcome depression, making it a bit of a catch-22. Surround yourself with positive people who can support you instead. This can be your loved ones or a support group.

Accept, don’t resist

Resisting your circumstances causes friction, pain, and suffering. Acceptance allows you to flow and float. It can be hard to do but try to let go of your resistance. Being out in nature and a spiritual practice like meditation can help you flip the mental switch.

Practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude can help, although it’s doubtless hard to do in such a difficult situation (don’t judge yourself if you can’t). Your loved one won’t be around forever – this is your only opportunity to spend time with them before they move on. Try to be grateful for the opportunity. After all, can there be a more meaningful use of your time than caring for the people you love?

Conclusion

Overcoming depression won’t happen overnight. It takes time. Medication and lifestyle changes will help and should be pursued, although they don’t always take away the underlying problem. It may help you to reflect on the meaning behind serenity prayer (even if you’re not religious): God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

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ABOUT DIANE HARRISON

Diane Harrison spent 15 years as a librarian. During that time she found that a lot of the help she gave was for sources of medical information both via further reading and online research.